November -- Gratitude / Hakarat Ha-tov

For Everyone
Gratitude comes so easily to us . . . when things are going well. It is the rest of the day that can be a challenge.

The term “gratitude” in Hebrew is translated as “recognizing the good / hakarat hatov.” Some of us tend to take “the good” for granted. We might pay little notice to our good health until we get sick. We might give little time to a relationship until we experience a loss. We might not think twice about a purchase until we get a call from our bank.

Of course, none of these events need to be so dramatic. We know that we should count our blessings and sometimes it is just a quick reminder that gets us back on track. Seeing the plight of others might remind us of the goodness in our lives. Taking a moment to watch the sunset might clue us in to the blessings that we experience on a regular basis. Even an inspirational bumper sticker can bring a smile to our faces.

Once we have a grasp of paying attention to the good in our lives, we have the challenge of taking the next step – recognizing the good even when things are not so good.  Finding the goodness in traffic or a long line; counting our blessings when our body hurts; being thankful when we are hungry, cold or lonely. 

These might seem like insurmountable obstacles. However, our sages teach us that we can find a glimmer of light even in tragedy.  The key, they tell us, is that we need to build up our “gratitude muscles” little-by-little.  An exercise for gratitude could be: Smiling at friends and strangers alike; thanking others for even the smallest act; reciting “this too is for the good” when we catch the red light, the market goes down, or when our children are texting their friends in the middle of dinner.

At TAE, the month of November is dedicated to gratitude / recognizing the good / hakarat hatov.  By the time Thanksgiving arrives, may we all have a new appreciation for the blessings in our lives, and in this way become greater blessings to each other.

For Parents 
Gratitude is simply a way of looking at things. We often learn true gratitude from the ones we feel sorry for. A homeless child can teach us to be grateful for having a home to live in, even if it isn’t our dream home. An ill person can teach us to be grateful for being able to go outside and take a walk or play. A person too sick to go outside was once noted as saying,” I can’t go out. I can’t run. I can’t be out there without fear of getting sick. But you know what? I appreciate that window more than you do…I look out that window every day. I notice the change in the trees, how strong the wind is blowing…I am drawn to nature like I’m seeing it for the first time." Children can be trained to search for a silver lining in any situation. Obstacles that get in the way of our gratitude may be golden opportunities if we allow ourselves to look at them that way. Our lives get so busy and hectic that we do not look at these obstacles as possible reasons for gratitude. We are accustomed to noticing what is broken, what still needs to be done and what we want but don’t have. To help teach children an attitude of gratitude play a game with them to try and find the hidden blessing in a difficult situation. Let your children know what you are grateful for and why you are grateful for them. Offer a reward to your child when they can turn a bad situation into a blessing. Work together as a family and find the silver lining around your cloud!

(Contributed by Michelle Princenthal )



Click here for an exercise for Gratitude

Thoughts and Questions Re: Humility and the movie "Hero"

On October 28, 2010, we viewed the film Hero and began a discussion framed around the middah/value of humility. The following questions where written by Richard Jackman. 


Other films on the subject of humility:
Amadeus, Pride and Prejudice, The Karate Kid, Chariots of Fire, The Fisher King, Lilies of the Field, Ghandi

The storyline of Hero: Bernie Laplante is having a rough time. He's divorced, his ex-wife hates him and has custody of their son, the cops are setting a trap for him, then to top it all, he loses a shoe whilst rescuing passengers of a crashed jet. Being a thief who is down on his luck, Bernie takes advantage of the crash, but then someone else claims credit for the rescue. Written by Rob Hartill  (www.imdb.com)

Thoughts and Questions Re: Humility and the movie "Hero"

In Alan Morinis’ book, Everyday Holiness, the aphorism for the midda of humility is “No more than my place, no less than my space.” How do the three main characters in the movie, Dustin Hoffman (Bernie Laplante), Andy Garcia (John Bubber), and Gina Davis (Gale Gayley), change in the way in which they relate to their “space” and “place” in the world?

Thoughts and Questions Re: Humility and the movie "Hero"

In our Prayer book, Mishkan T’filah, it is said that, “I need strength, humility, courage, and patience. . . Humility to assess my own worth. . . .” Do the main characters in the movie change in their assessment of their own worth? What part does humility play in their change?

Thoughts and Questions Re: Humility and the movie "Hero"

In Genesis, Abraham says “I am but dust and ashes.” A seemingly countervailing view is that “The world was created just for me.” Have the main characters found a balance in these two ideas at the end of the film? If so, how were they able to do so? If not, what has been the impediment to their doing so?

October -- Humility / Anavah

For Everyone
Humility, in our common usage, typically refers to the trait of modesty and a lack of ego (or at least a well-checked ego). In this sense, a person who exhibits humility is comfortable not taking center stage and shares the credit for achievements with others.

In a Jewish understanding of this trait, however, humility actually exists on a spectrum. On one side there is certainly the notion that humility requires one to take a step back from the spotlight. However, our Sages caution that we should not shrink so much that we actually disappear. The “wallflower” at the party, the student who never raises her hand, the employee who consistently allows other to walk over him -- these are not the ideals for Judaism. Instead, we are encouraged to proudly and strongly take our place in our home and community.

On the other side of the spectrum, we are cautioned not to take too much space. Overpowering the room when we enter, speaking over other people and dominating the conversation, encroaching upon the space of others – these too are not ideals for Judaism.

Living an intentional Jewish life requires that we find the balance between these two extremes, and the balance we call “anavah” – humility. During the month of October we are practicing anavah / humility. One easy practice to take on is to recite throughout the day: “No more than my place, no less than my space.”  This phrase can serve as a powerful reminder that every interaction has the potential for hurting or healing, breaking down or building, wobbling or finding balance.

For Parents

"No more than my space, no less than my place"

We all understand the importance of our children being independent, but when we are busy or in a hurry it seems so much easier and faster to do things for them. If we do things for them, things happen the way we want them to and when we want them to. We ask ourselves, “How will it look if my child is late for school?”  “What will others think if my child dresses in mismatched clothes?”  It is easy to let our ego overpower our understanding that children learn and grow only by doing. They need to experience their own successes and failures. It is difficult to see our children struggle and make mistakes. It is also difficult to deal with our conflicting emotions when our children begin to develop independence and need us less. Let us teach our children, then stand back and watch them practice the skills that they will need to become strong, independent adults.

(By Michelle Princenthal)

Click here for an Exercise for Humility

September -- Forgiveness / Slichah

For Everyone
Repentance and forgiveness are the central themes of our High Holy Days. Jewish tradition teaches that repentance requires a real change in our behavior and an apology. Offering and accepting an apology is one of the most profound human interactions. Apology has the power to heal grudges and humiliations and to generate forgiveness for those who have wronged another. Apologies have the power to relieve guilt and shame that can overpower us. The healing result of an apology process is the repair and reconnection of human relationships.


Forgiveness can be equally challenging and rewarding. How many of us forgive others, ourselves and/or God, and yet still keep score? How many of us seek forgiveness from others, ourselves and/or God, and yet still follow our accustomed patterns? If we are still holding on to a wrong done to us, we have not fully granted forgiveness. If we are still doing the same things we were doing before, we have not earned forgiveness.


Forgiveness is our practice for September -- let go of the wrongs, let go of the engrained patterns -- forgive and be forgiven.


Click here for an Exercise for Forgiveness