October -- Humility / Anavah

For Everyone
Humility, in our common usage, typically refers to the trait of modesty and a lack of ego (or at least a well-checked ego). In this sense, a person who exhibits humility is comfortable not taking center stage and shares the credit for achievements with others.

In a Jewish understanding of this trait, however, humility actually exists on a spectrum. On one side there is certainly the notion that humility requires one to take a step back from the spotlight. However, our Sages caution that we should not shrink so much that we actually disappear. The “wallflower” at the party, the student who never raises her hand, the employee who consistently allows other to walk over him -- these are not the ideals for Judaism. Instead, we are encouraged to proudly and strongly take our place in our home and community.

On the other side of the spectrum, we are cautioned not to take too much space. Overpowering the room when we enter, speaking over other people and dominating the conversation, encroaching upon the space of others – these too are not ideals for Judaism.

Living an intentional Jewish life requires that we find the balance between these two extremes, and the balance we call “anavah” – humility. During the month of October we are practicing anavah / humility. One easy practice to take on is to recite throughout the day: “No more than my place, no less than my space.”  This phrase can serve as a powerful reminder that every interaction has the potential for hurting or healing, breaking down or building, wobbling or finding balance.

For Parents

"No more than my space, no less than my place"

We all understand the importance of our children being independent, but when we are busy or in a hurry it seems so much easier and faster to do things for them. If we do things for them, things happen the way we want them to and when we want them to. We ask ourselves, “How will it look if my child is late for school?”  “What will others think if my child dresses in mismatched clothes?”  It is easy to let our ego overpower our understanding that children learn and grow only by doing. They need to experience their own successes and failures. It is difficult to see our children struggle and make mistakes. It is also difficult to deal with our conflicting emotions when our children begin to develop independence and need us less. Let us teach our children, then stand back and watch them practice the skills that they will need to become strong, independent adults.

(By Michelle Princenthal)

Click here for an Exercise for Humility